The Emotional-Body Dance of Your MN DivorceJan 23, 2024
Regulating your nervous system can help you navigate difficult times like your MN divorce, by helping you feel empowered about your decisions. This is because you are able to make better conscious choices. This week, I brought Sharri Freedman on to the podcast, who feels like my soul sister! So much of what she talked about in the episode resonated with my beliefs and what I help my clients with. We talked about how to regulate your nervous system, how to get comfortable being uncomfortable, how to let your fear know that you’ve got this, and so much more!
Sharri Freedman is a divorce, relationship and women’s empowerment coach. She practiced family law for over thirty years, and after stepping back in her career, she fell in love with coaching. Although she has not experienced divorce herself, she has experienced it through her clients which offers her a unique perspective and allows her to be more objective of the process.
We started out the call talking about mindset and how in order to make change, you must first feel safe in your body. Sharri empowers women to take ownership of their decisions so they are making a decision that is heart centered and not based on fear. Learning how to truly trust yourself so that you make decisions for yourself instead of what your lawyer, friends, or family want you to do.
The first step in getting your mind right is to regulate your nervous system. Many times when people are in unhappy marriages or in the process of divorce, they’ve been living in a state of flight, fight, or freeze for a very long time. We are not meant to be in that state for long periods of time, and when we are it can be the cause of a lot of physical and mental ailments. Our nervous system is meant to go into flight, fight, or freeze for short amounts of time to keep us safe, and then go back to a calm and peaceful place. When you can operate from a calm, peaceful place, you are able to think more clearly and have a different perspective.
To find that place of safety, you must learn to love and accept yourself, forgive yourself, and learn about what you want in life. One way that you can regulate your nervous system on the spot is with box breathing. Take a moment to breathe in for a count of four, hold for a count of four, breathe out for a count of four and breathe normal for a count of four. During this practice repeat to yourself “I am ok, I am love, I am safe.” Do this four times and see how you feel afterwards. Other great practices to do are journaling, screaming, crying, or punching a pillow. There are healthy ways to express your emotions that don’t need to involve the people around you.
We also talked about overcoming fear. Fear is in our life in order to keep us alive. There are also times that you may experience fear such as not wanting to disappoint someone, not speaking up for yourself, or not going after that dream job you want. Check in with yourself when you are feeling fear to determine if there is a legitimate risk in what you are doing. If what you are deciding on is the best move for you, talk to your fear. Tell it, “Hello fear, I see you there. I know you’re there to protect me and I want to thank you for protecting me for all those years when I needed you, but I don’t need your protection right now. I am going to do ____, and you’re welcome to come along with me and sit next to me, but you’re not driving, I am.” This allows you to take your power back.
Sharri was such a joy to talk with and she has some amazing resources available as well as coaching programs, check out her website and see if something is right for you! For those of you that are looking for Divorce or co-parenting support, please go to Lesakoski.com. I also have my free online co-parenting masterclass, sign up here!
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