Navigating Confidence and the Empty Nest After Your MN DivorceSep 13, 2023
Whether you are going through a MN divorce, becoming an empty nester, or just having a hard time in life, finding the courage to face what you are experiencing will help you uncover the ability to become confident. Confidence is not something you can just flip the script on, and my coach, Tracy Pleshcourt from Self-Made U joined me on the podcast again this week to talk about navigating confidence. Listen while she coaches me through how I’m feeling as the reality of becoming an empty nester sets in.
Tracy talked about the 4 C’s that are the steps to finding confidence. Below, I’ll break down each of the steps and what you need to uncover to reach confidence.
Step 1: Courage
Having the awareness of what you are feeling and why; is where you must start. This gives you the capability to get to know yourself and realize what you are feeling. It is hard and can be a little scary. Typically the feeling you are wanting to run from is actually just misguided, unmanaged thoughts in your brain. The lack of confidence comes from your primitive brain, which is very dramatic and based in fear. When you can calm that part of your brain and uncover the truth, you’ll be able to see that it’s not as scary as you once thought.
Step 2: Curiosity
Take 5 minutes every day to look at your mind, understand what you are thinking and how those thoughts are making you feel. This step follows courage, because it takes a lot of courage to actually dig in and poke holes at what your thoughts are telling you. When you start the 5 minutes, take out a feelings wheel and identify what you are feeling. Next, write down why you are feeling that way. It doesn’t have to be a neat and tidy list, just brain dump all the reasons you are feeling that certain way. By spending these few minutes with yourself, you are able to see what is factual and what is a story.
Step 3: Capability
Within this step, you are able to see how capable you are at looking at your mind and asking yourself these questions. You start to see how capable you are of managing your own mind. In order to get to this step though, you must have the courage to make the decision to do it. Once you have the feeling of being capable you are more likely to show up with consistency which is the next step.
Step 4: Consistency
Once you have completed the first 3 steps, you are able to consistently review the feelings that you are experiencing. It is highly probable that you will experience the same feeling again when you think about the upcoming circumstance. However, at this point you have the confidence to consistently ask yourself why you are feeling this way, what it means, and uncover the truth of the story.
During the second portion of the podcast, Tracy coached me through the feeling of sadness I’ve been experiencing about my daughter going off to college. Even though I’ve sent two other children off to college, it is very heavy to send off my last child. I described my dramatic emotions and also had the realization that I am sad to send Sophia off to college; nonetheless I am excited for her to experience this next part of life. I can find reasons to feel joy for her and myself (less laundry!). We walked through how it is feeling in my body, where I am feeling it, and I now have the confidence to go through these steps the next time I am feeling sad about sending her off to college!
Always remember that it is important to experience sadness, (or other unwanted feelings) because without sadness we wouldn’t know what it feels like to experience joy. Sit with your feelings, learn what it looks like to connect to the sadness so it feels more familiar the next time it shows up, then you’ll be able to recognize it quicker. You are highly capable of feeling sad, but when you are experiencing sadness, reflect on gratitude also. (or other gifts that you can see with the unwanted feelings).
If you’re feeling sad or scared about your divorce, have empathy for yourself - don’t judge it. Of course you feel sad or scared. It’s normal. As you sit with your sadness try looking for opportunities that could arise. As time goes on, the pain of the loss is still there, but you can learn how to carry it and still feel joy.
I can’t recommend enough signing up for a free consultation with Tracy. It will help you take control of your life and change your mindset. As always, I am here if you are looking for mediation support through your divorce. Check out my resources, and set up a free consultation with me as well.
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