Women Over 40 Going Through a MN Divorce: Take this as an Opportunity to Change your life for the BetterFeb 14, 2023
My Self Made-U Journey
Because I am a woman well over 40 I want to help you learn what I have learned and have a better life after your MN divorce and beyond. This new blog will be coming out on a regular basis to give you coaching tips that have made my life better. I have learned so much in the past few years, I am going to give it to you in bite sized pieces.
An important lesson I keep hearing is love yourself. Easy statement, not easy to do. Why is it so hard? Because we have neural pathways that have hiked down the road of self loathing for so long we get stuck. I am working to create a stronger pathway using my prodigy brain. And guess what it is starting to work. I want to take a moment to put in a little plug for that primitive brain of yours, it thinks it is serving you. It thinks if it is hard on you you will learn and do better. Here is the secret: you can learn and do better without all the suffering. Having empathy for yourself is the first step.
How do you learn to have empathy and love yourself? If you had trauma in your childhood stop here. This won’t help deep trauma. That is for your medical and mental health team. Here is a step by step method I used:
- Look at a picture of yourself when you were a baby or toddler. (If you don’t have a picture you can use your memory of a picture). Guess what? This is your true self. Do you see it? The essence of who you really are?
My mind was blown with this exercise. I saw bright eyes full of fun, joy and light. You don’t often see that side of me anymore. I am stoic and thoughtful. I have been driven to please people and impress them. And let me tell you, trying to be perfect is no fun at all.
2. Think back to a memory from your childhood where you were exuding this energy.
I went to a memory I have not thought of in years, or maybe never. I am going to share it with you so that you can see what I learned. I was splashing around in a lake at my grandparent’s home. I was probably about 4. I was just splashing, swimming, in a black tube unaware of my surroundings. I started talking like Donald duck; and was just in my own little world. Suddenly my grandma started belly laughing. (She adored me and keeps teaching me life lessons even though she is no longer here). I looked at her and kept on talking like a duck to make her laugh. This was so interesting to me. While I was living my life feeling joy I brought light to the world and my grandma responded to it. Oh isn’t this so good! Here is the other interesting thing, I used this in my arsenal on how to make people love me. Hmm not really the belief that serves me now. The real lesson is that by feeling joy and living my best life, not thinking about how it affects others, shines light into this world. The story that I made that moment mean was if I act a certain way, I can make people love me. This story no longer serves me. I am going to close this pathway and start walking down a new one. This new belief is doing what I love automatically lets my light shine and brings others joy.
3. Have a reminder of that baby sage, maybe a picture or a note, to help you remember who you really are. When you are You, your light shines! This is the greatest gift you can give to others and you won’t even know you are doing it!
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