Betrayal and MarriageAug 25, 2022
Betrayal is a different type of trauma for two reasons:
1. It feels intentional, it is rejection which is different than if you lose someone you love.
2. There are a collection of symptoms (physical and mental) and time does not heal them.
On one of my recent podcast episodes on Doing Divorce Different, I chat with Dr Debi Silber the founder of the PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute a holistic psychologist and author shares her insight into betrayal.
During her recent PHD study she learned the 5 stages of betrayal.
1. Set up stage where you ignore your feelings.
2. Shock and trauma-your world view is shattered.
3. Survival instincts emerge. This is the place where most people get stuck. In this stage people do not trust anyone, or they think maybe they deserved it. This stage can last for years and often people can call more distrustful relationships into their lives.
4. Finding and adjusting to a new normal. If friends and loved ones don't rise they don't come with you.
5. This is where the healing is with a re-birth, self love, mind healing and a new world view.
The questions you can ask yourself if you are feeling stuck in number 3 are:
- am I numbing or avoiding feelings if so how?
- What am I pretending to see, what will my life look like in 5 years if I do nothing?
- What can life look like if I change?
If you have been betrayed you need to rebuild self trust in your truth. If you chose to trust the betrayer again It is up to the betrayer to build that trust brick by brick.
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