Contemplating Divorce in Minnesota? 4 Danger Signs that a Relationship Should End

divorce divorce mediation doing divorce differently Nov 14, 2022
contemplating divorce in Minnesota

If you're contemplating a divorce in Minnesota, then you know that this is a tough subject and it is very personal.  The best thing you can do when you are questioning your relationship, or divorce, is to work  on yourself.  Sometimes when you start to heal emotionally the other person follows suit.  Another helpful tool is to write down why you want to work it out and/or why you want to let it go.    By putting in time and really working through your thoughts and desires you will feel better about your decision; because you know you gave it your all.  This is important and will help you have better future relationships.


Here is what I learned from a relationship retreat I was just on. No one can tell you what to do and no one knows whether you should call it quits. So remember it is ultimately your decision. Some high quality questions to ask yourself are:  Is the relationship lifting you up or bringing you down? Is the relationship damaged beyond repair? 


These are the 4 danger signs I learned:


  1. Someone is consistently dishonest or deceitful.  If they are a liar, they probably won’t get over it.  Set clear boundaries.
  2. Emotionally needy people can be difficult to hang on to.  I remember a therapist once called them hungry ghosts. These are the people that suck you dry.  
  3. Someone who routinely comes from a place of anger.
  4. A one sided relationship.  It is not real if you are the only one keeping it together.  


How do you let go?  There are so many reasons letting go of relationships can be hard.  I know in the past, I have worried about causing another person pain.  Here is a thought to help you through this,  I can not cause someone pain.  The other person choses how they feel.   Second, try to end the relationship in person (rather than through a text),  when you are calm.  This will give you time to really think things through.  Start with why you need to end the relationship and don’t use blame.  Focus on your own feelings and needs when you talk it through.   


And finally the most impactful lesson I learned on this subject was to find love and empathy for the person you're leaving.  This alone can really help a divorce go much more smoothly.  Sometimes it’s hard during divorce, but you did care for this person at one time, find that love when you end the relationship.  I LOVE it when people can stay in a relationship and I understand and want to help when they cannot.  If you need to divorce please do it differently!  


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