Divorcing Your Narcissist: You can't make this shit up with author Tracy Malone Part One

divorcing a narcissist doing divorce differently minnesota divorce mn divorce narcissist narcissist signs Dec 21, 2022
Divorcing a narcissist divorce mediator St Paul MN

Going through a Minnesota divorce with a narcissist will be challenging. I learned from my conversation with “surthriver” Tracy Malone that a person may not realize their loved one is a narcissist until the divorce process. Suddenly they are faced with questions like, “What is going on?”, “Why is this person suddenly being so difficult”? Let’s explore some of the reasons that this happens and discuss the characteristics of a narcissist. 

Narcissists will go to the end of the earth to make their victim's life difficult. Even if a relationship lasted 30-40 years, when the decision is made to divorce, the victim can, what feels like, suddenly, go from all good to all evil. A black-and-white space is created, and the victim is now the ‘enemy’. This is referred to as narcissistic injury. There is suddenly no compassion for the person they slept next to year after year. The narcissist wants what they want out of the divorce and will go to great lengths to achieve it. 


Here are some characteristics of a narcissist:

  • False allegations
  • Manipulation
  • Selfish/Self absorbed behavior
  • No ability to feel shame, empathy, or guilt
  • Lying
  • Charming public image, but cruel treatment behind closed doors
  • Gaslighting
    • What you saw, thought, or heard didn't happen. They will manipulate your mind; you will lose the sense of who you are and what you believe, so you will stop believing in yourself. You begin to question reality. 
  • Use children as weapons.
    • Children grow up never feeling good enough. The only thing they care about regarding their children is how they are seen. To the outside world, they want to look like a good parent, but behind closed doors, they can be evil and harmful to their children. 


The question may arise, “How did I not notice their behavior?” Tracy estimates that 96% of the time, the realization comes after victims experience narcissistic behavior. This could have been with their family and/or a past relationship. The victim believes that the behavior is normal, and they unknowingly seek out people with these characteristics because it is all they know. The red flags go unnoticed until they are pushed to face the facts. 

I am really excited about next week, this is part two of my  conversation with Tracy, where a current client of mine bravely joins us and asks questions about her own situation in dealing with a narcissist.  Keep an eye out for the follow-up post on this thought provoking conversation.


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