There's something I've noticed after spending more than 25 years helping families through difficult transitions.

Whether someone is facing divorce, cancer, grief, addiction, or another unexpected life change, almost everyone asks the same question:

"How do I make this stop hurting?"

We want certainty.

We want answers.

We want to know everything is going to be okay.

I understand that feeling.

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I wanted every answer immediately. During treatment, I realized there were many things I simply couldn't control.  

And that's true in divorce too.

You can't control whether your spouse changes.

You can't control someone else's addiction.

You can't control how another person behaves.

But you can control your response.  And you can breathe easier when you surrender to God.

Recently, I had therapist Brian Burns on the Doing Divorce Different podcast, and we talked about something he calls "spinning out."

It's that place where your mind races.

You replay conversations.

You imagine worst-case scenarios.

You try to solve problems that haven't happened yet.

Sound familiar?

The problem isn't that we care.

The problem is that we often carry responsibilities that were never ours to carry.

One of the healthiest questions we can ask ourselves is:

"Is this my responsibility?"

Sometimes the answer is yes.

Many times, it isn't.

When we begin separating what belongs to us from what belongs to someone else, or to God something remarkable happens.

We breathe again.

We sleep again.

We begin making decisions from wisdom instead of fear.

I tell my clients all the time that knowledge reduces fear.

I'd add something else.

Perspective reduces panic.

If you're navigating divorce today, please hear this:

You don't have to know how the next five years will unfold.

You don't even have to know what next month looks like.

You simply need enough courage for your next right step.

That's how healing happens.

One faithful decision at a time.

One conversation at a time.

One deep breath at a time.

If this resonates with you, I'd love for you to listen to this week's episode of Doing Divorce Different with therapist Brian Burns.

I think you'll leave feeling lighter.

And maybe that's exactly what you need today.