Navigating Your MN Divorce with Grace: Unleashing Kindness in Conflict with The Divorce GoddessJul 21, 2023
The best thing you can do for yourself when going through a MN divorce is to focus on self care as well as prioritizing your children. On this week’s podcast episode, I was joined by the Divorce Goddess, Tosh Brittan. She gave such incredible advice on self care, operating from a place of kindness, her experience with cold water swimming, and the shifts that happen in life when becoming an empty nester. I’m so excited to pass the information along.
Tosh is a child of divorce, and saw her parents really struggle with getting along, even to this day. When she and her spouse decided to file for divorce, she encountered a lot of negativity, but decided that instead of sitting in a negative space, she could throw kindness to the circumstance and her spouse and see what happens. Tosh has a commitment to keep her children front and center which led to her intentions being different than what many experience. She brought up such an excellent point, we expect and teach our children to be kind to others, so why is it that so many don’t show respect and kindness towards their ex spouses.
We talked about self care during the episode and I’ll admit that I used to think it was lazy to take care of myself. Through the work I’ve done with my coach, and the conversation with Tosh, it is so clear that it is vital to be kind and have empathy for yourself. Your kids need a happy, healthy mama, and they want to see you prioritize yourself. Plus, if you show them now how important self care is, they will care about that in their lives as adults!
I asked Tosh about her experience with cold water swimming, which she has been doing for years, far beyond the trend of cold plunging. She said that her purpose behind cold water swimming was to build resilience. While she's in the water, she focuses on her breathing in order to quiet the monkey’s in her mind. She’s able to leave everything in the sea as well as clear out any hormonal issues she may be dealing with. Tosh encourages people to listen to their body if they are going to try cold water swimming or cold plunges. Wim Hof has great advice on breathwork to work through the cold, and never feel like you have to stay in the water for a specific amount of time. And of course talk to your physician before you give it a try.
Lastly, we talked about being an empty nester. With my last child about to head off to college, I wanted to know if she had any advice for navigating this new chapter of life. Tosh recommended to start preparing yourself for it before the last child moves out. Start getting familiar with yourself again, what do you enjoy doing, who are you? Experiment with new and different activities to see what you like. Create a list of 4 activities that you enjoy doing, and when you feel the loneliness creep in, pick an item off that list and do it. Become your own best friend.
As Tosh said in our episode, kindness is clever. Kindness does not mean you are weak, it can be so empowering to focus on kindness. When you work on yourself, those around you may follow suit and come along with you. So remember, be the lighthouse and show others the way. I cannot thank Tosh enough for our conversation, and I am so grateful we have connected. If you are interested in working with her or following her on social media check out her resources and grab her book Kindness for Conflict. And if you have found me because you are navigating the decision to divorce or need a mediator, please reach out, I would love to support you.
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