Self Love and Boundaries

boundaries divorce mediation doing divorce differently self love Dec 09, 2022
Self Love Boundaries divorce mediator St Paul, MN

A month ago, I committed to focusing on becoming someone who no longer stops myself from living a beautiful life full of experiences because I am concerned about what I look like. I have missed out on opportunities to swim with my grandson, attend church events, and even go to dinner with my husband because I am self-conscious about my looks. 

In our most recent podcast episode, I discuss with Tracy from Self Made-U why I do this and what advice she may have for myself and others to push through these voices and genuinely enjoy our lives. Tracy’s guidance was to focus on the woman that I am becoming. Focusing on the sense of what it is, accepting who I am and where I’m going allows my brain to slow down, relieve stress, remove the sense of rush, and just be content with what is. Although I may not be there YET, I am learning to become the woman who does my desired activities without self-doubt. 

I have the opportunity to test this in mid-December when we celebrate my grandson's birthday at a hotel pool, so I’ll follow up on this if I do, in fact, go swimming or if my self-doubt gets in my way. 


Next, we talk about boundaries

I didn't care enough about myself to set up boundaries before. I've always skirted around this issue, but the Self Made U retreat helped me become aware of the perimeters I need to put in my life.  

Boundaries are ultimately created for YOU. They are created to get the results that you want from your life. They are an operating system for the results you want, not a manipulation tactic or a way to control someone else's life. 


Here are the five steps to setting up boundaries (you can find a printable worksheet here to do your own): 


  1. List out areas where you need to create boundaries in your life. Where do you tend to feel frustrated when it comes to yourself and others?
  2. Determine if your boundaries will be spoken or unspoken with others. If you choose spoken, make sure the reason comes from a place of sharing and not from trying to control others' actions. 
  3. Decide what the deal breaker is if you don’t follow through with the boundary. 
  4. Get specific in your boundary. Really tell a story of the purpose and why it is essential to you.
  5. Define what happens when the boundary gets broken. What are the consequences of not fulfilling and honoring the boundary? 


Two boundaries I’d like to share that came out of this practice for me are:

In my family, even though we are kind people, we tend to say some horrible things to each other. I have set a boundary that when this situation arises, I will say, “ I am a child of God; you are a child of God, so we need to talk nicely to one another,” and then walk away to provide distance.  

Secondly, I will take one day a week off and do nothing. I will have my meals prepped; I’ll sit with myself, go on a walk, and just be present with me. This serves me in a way that my body won’t force me to slow down by getting sick and allows me to fill my cup each week. 

Please take time to care for yourself. What better self-care than setting up some boundaries, and loving yourself enough to take time to choose boundaries. 

Grab the worksheet here to reflect on what boundaries you need to set up!

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